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Non-mommy issues

August 15, 2013

Today's post was inspired by something I posted on Facebook earlier in the day. I work with mostly women, specifically women who have children, and I do not. What makes it more of a stark contrast is that I don't plan on having kids, I am what TIME Magazine calls childfree. Here is the FB status in question:

All the other counselors in the office engrossed in conversations about their kids. #childfreewomenproblems Wonder if moms ever feel left out by childfree women?

I haven't really discussed my decision not to have kids on this blog. Growing up I was never one of those girls that dreamed about being a mother, I figured I would have one kid in my early thirties just like my mom did. Having a kid was always something in the abstract and far off. For some reason I thought that the closer I got to thirty my biological clock would just turn on and the baby fever I saw around me would take hold, but it never came. When my husband and I first got together we talked about having just one kid and joked about how our kid would inherit our smart ass tendencies. It wasn't until we got engaged that our talks about having children turned into asking ourselves, do we even want a child? T's career field is one that could have us moving not only across the country, but possibly living abroad. Moving around the world every so often is not exactly kid-friendly, did we want to give up our dream of living abroad for a child we weren't 100% sure we wanted? We have discussed what having kids would mean to us in more detail than some of our friends who are parents. We have even discussed adopting later in life if happen to change our minds.

I posted the FB status in question when all my female co-workers were engrossed in conversation about  their kids and other mom stuff. I can't help but to feel left out. I completely understand that in deciding not to have kids it means being on the outskirts, but now that I am married and inching 32 I really feel it. I have even lost touch with some of my friends that have kids who stop hanging out with me after they have kids. It was interesting to read the moms who commented on Facebook talk about their experiences with their childfree girl friends not spending as much time with them. It saddens me how judgmental women can be towards other women. Working moms judge stay at home moms, and vice versa. The people that matter in my life have not been negative or judgmental about my decision. My family and friends know that I don't hate kids (hello I used to be a teacher!) and never make me feel less than for not wanting kids. Will I encounter strangers who think I'm selfish or not a real women for deciding this? Yes, unfortunately I will. But I'm ok with that.

1 comment:

  1. I totally understand how you feel. While it's becoming more and more common I still feel like a freak of nature and totally left behind because we have not jumped on the child bandwagon. It's kind of a strange place to be. Left out of everything; but by choice.